Relationship Boundaries and God’s Ways

Notice that all healthy relationships function within a mutually agreed upon set of standards and rules sometimes known as boundaries.  This is also true of one’s relationship with God.  These standards and rules are known as God’s ways and are found in the Bible. 

Viewed in terms of human relationships, if boundaries are missing or unclear, there is at best a dysfunctional and chaotic relationship.  As well, if there is not agreement as to where boundaries exist, then most often there is no relationship.

Now have a look at man’s relationship with God.  Maybe you’ve noticed that some make statements that are based upon man’s view not God’s.  Such are little more than a designer approach to some sort of god.  Such is the, “My god would never…” statement.  The simple question is this.  Can such a view, that often rejects God’s ways, allow for a relationship to exist? 

This view questions whether a relationship with God functions within mutually agreed upon sets of standards and rules?   When it does not, one can conclude that at best it is a dysfunctional and even destructive relationship as man seeks to fashion a god according to his own “good’ ideas.

The Bible lays out very clearly the standards and rules necessary for relationship with God.  Therefore, the choice is up to the one who would be in relationship with God.  Such a person can choose to accept God’s ways as set forth or reject them.  Such a person by making choices can choose to be in relationship with God or not.

Remember that God invests each individual with the power to choose to accept Him and His ways.  Also one can choose to reject God’s ways and in doing so reject Him.  The outcomes of such choices are beyond man’s capacity to control.     

Think about it this way.  Should one expect to enjoy the guidance, protection, comfort, and care of the very One whom they have rejected.  Yet, the very one rejected calls for all who find themselves in need of these very things to, "Come unto Me all you who labor and are heavily laden and I will give you rest."

"IMO and The Truth" Part One

The court room was packed and overflowing.

The judge looked at the jury verdict form and then at the jury.  It was then that he announced that when the verdict was read there was to be no reaction from those present in the court room.  It had been a particularly heinous crime and there was no doubt that the defendant was guilty!

The form was returned to the jury foreman and in a matter of fact voice he read, "In the matter of the state versus the defendant, after careful consideration the jury returns a verdict of not guilty."  Try as they might, there was a collective gasp from those present, how could this be?

Indeed from opening statements through the presentation of testimonies and evidence to the closings statements and finally the judge’s instructions to the jury it seemed so very clear.  How could the jury return anything but a verdict of guilty?

Later when interviewed the jury foreman had a shocking response.  A response that was in no small way disturbing!

"To a person, we the jury believe that the defendant was guilty, as guilty as could be!"  Then he went on, "The parameters set forth in the jury instructions were drawn so tightly that when we look at the cases presented within those parameters we really had little choice but to return the verdict we did."

Now let us move from the example to the venue of the one's opinion. 

Parameters Do Not Change Reality

At one time or another most people think about what constitutes or makes up truth/reality in general and in particular what may be considered as one seeks to find that truth/reality.  It is here that there may be a very real danger. 

For example if a person draws the parameters of what is acceptable too restrictively, the discovery and/or defense of truth/reality is then in serious jeopardy.   The outcome at the very least is far less accurate than it otherwise would be. At the other end of the scale the truth/reality would be denied even though valid.

Take for example the existence of Jesus Christ.  To simplify the issue, either Jesus existed or He did not.  That is the very basic truth/reality of the question.  No amount of evidence or opinion can now change the reality of His existence or His non-existence.  Said another way, no amount of opinion, bias, assumption, nor anything else can change what was so, either way you view the question.

An attendant problem is that of accuracy.  As noted above restrictive parameters have an effect upon accuracy.

So then how is one to know for sure?  As with any other truth or reality, if one's rules of evidence are drawn too tightly, then genuine and valid evidence is disregarded and the truth of the matter is lost.  The question then becomes who is to be the arbitrator of what may be considered and what may be discarded from the inquiry?

Drawing the Parameters

It would appear that there are two somewhat different but related Influences that bear on the subject of how one discovers reality.  One might view the first influence in terms of a scale and the second in terms of an all or none position. 

First, is the question of just where one fits on the “believe – disbelieve” scale.  While a little cynicism protects one from certain kinds of dangers, the total doubter will have no basis for the existence of any kind of reliable truth.  Such a person rejects all truth claims and fits in a Post-Modern notion of existence.

Second, is more of an all or none position.  The position is encapsulated in the question, “Does God exist?”

For the one who tends toward disbelieving and as well reject the existence of God, there remains no authority outside of the self.  So it is that the individual has become the arbitrator of truth.  The validation of truth is nearly impossible as truth rests solely on, “In my opinion….”

Such a position can be very lonely.

Note:  More to follow in Part Two.

 

"Riverbanks in Our Lives"

What do you have when a river levee is breached?  A river run wild.

Think about life.  The riverbanks of character are what keeps one's life flowing in the right direction.  Failing to maintain those banks make great the possibility of ethical failure.  It is but a few decisions made without concern for character that will breach the levees of one life and it will run out of control.

Think about relationships.  The riverbanks of correct boundaries are what keeps one's relationships flowing in the right direction.  Failing to maintain those banks make great the possibility of destructive relationships.  How often an enabling person and/or an enabled person selfishly breach the bounds of propriety in relationships.

Think about society.  The riverbanks of Law are what keeps society flowing an orderly direction.  Failing to live within the Law brings about anarchy and rebellion.  A very chaotic culture results when the levees of Law are breached.

Think about faith.  The riverbanks of Scripture and doctrine are what keeps one's faith life flowing in the right direction.  Failing to maintain those banks make great the possibility of religious failure.  Extremes of faith and doctrine behaviors come when the levees of faith and doctrine are breached.

Think about the Holy Spirit.  The riverbanks of Scripture are what keeps the ministering work of the Holy Spirit flowing in the right direction.  Failing to maintain those banks make great the possibility of spiritual extremism.  Genuine fanaticism (not just spiritual expression based in one's personality type) comes when the levees of Scripture are breached in this area.

Thank about your life.  The riverbanks that have been listed along with others are what keep one's life manageable and moving in right and correct directions.  They are there to keep one's life from running out of control.  What do you have when any of these things are breeched?  A life run wild, spilling into other lives, running a muck, chasing errant ideas of faith, and/or following after spiritual extremes.

The more I think about it, the more I have come to realize that the only way to maintain the riverbanks of one's life is through balance.  Balancing one's life in faith and the operation of the Holy Spirit.  Balanced in relationships with God, others, and then one's self.  Balanced in life.

As someone, perhaps Abe Lincoln, once said, "It is the path of least resistance that causes men and rivers to run crooked."  So it is that it is the genuine levees of life that keep us from following that path of least resistance.  What is a life that has followed that path?  A life best described as chaotic!

"Values Based Decision Making"

A question worth pondering is this.  "What is the basis of making decisions?"  That question could be asked in terms of one's personal life, one's family life, one's employment/business life, and any and all other arenas of one's life.  In most cases the decisions we make or might we say the choices we choose are based upon our values.

The word, "value" or "values" has the following definition available at the site referenced.

Value (n)  c.1300, from O.Fr. value "worth, value" (13c.), noun use of fem. pp. of valoir "be worth," from L. valere "be strong, be well, be of value" (see valiant). The meaning "social principle" is attested from 1918, supposedly borrowed from the language of painting. Value judgment (1892) is a loan-translation of Ger. Werturteil.

 (definition available at http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?l=v&p=1&allowed_in_frame=0)

As you may now recognize the word gives rise to other words such a valuing, valuate, evaluate, etc., all having to do with the process of assigning importance.

Indeed, valuing is a process that begins with one's presuppositions, processes to opinions and attitudes, continues with one's perceptions (of people, institutions, and situations), and often leads to some kind of an action (either words or deeds).

Such processing is not without challenge.  For example, so very often the message sent is that one is to make decisions in terms of how it will impact a relationship or relationships.  The message goes something along the lines of, "...relationships are the most important thing we do and so you must at any and all cost maintain relationships with all who are in your pathway...."  While this may be so in many cases, there is at least one thing that should take precedents over relationships and that is the values by which one lives!

It is a poor relationship that is maintained based upon the violations of one's deeply held values or may we say convictions.  Such a view of relationships will not long endure the challenges of life and in fact will leave one at the mercy of life.  Such can only be described as chaotic and even enabling as relationships pull one in this direction and then in that. Enabling in that relationships without the responsibilities born of values allow for one to behave in less that profitable ways.

In another blog I wrote of love in terms of how one is to behave.  To understand love on the level of an emotional response is to make it fragile and at the mercy of many of the interactions, events, and circumstances of life. However to view love as humbly living out of closely held ethical values is to make it a durable love.  Thus we might see that the choice to live out of ethical values is the highest form of love for it never imposes but always chooses what is best no matter the cost, even at the cost of the relationship involved.

Then too, "What are one's closely held values?" is another question worth considering.  To not know is to leave one's self vulnerable to the winds and tides of the moment.  Attributed to Abraham Lincoln but found in many other places is the quote, "Following the path of least resistance is what causes men and rivers to run crooked."  Certainly when one does not know what one believes and that for which one is willing to suffer great loss, he is vulnerable and disadvantaged.

However, changing that same river picture a bit, we might note the following.  It is our values--our ethical convictions and our character (volitional capacity to live out those values) that provides the river banks that keep the steams of our lives flowing in the right direction.

One not accustomed to such things might counter with the impossibility of such a change.  The response to that is that all could use a "tune up" in these areas and for each of us, it is a matter of beginning with the small things as we live out the simple values and then, at least in my experience, the big issues will take care of themselves.  Then too keep clearly in mind that correct ethical values have their origin in the Divine and though opposed, one who is in right relationship with Jesus Christ is vested with the power, not to be perfect but to live out these things in greater measure.

"Checking the Descent Into Unethical Chaos"

In previous blogs consideration was given to the descent into chaos.  Applying that descent to relationships means among other things, that without a clear vision of roles, responsibilities, and as well the strength of character to live out those things, there will be consequences, intended and otherwise.  Ultimately without checking it, that decent will end in unethical chaos.  Take for example the three relationships of life.

It seems to me that the pay offs in any relationship includes a sense of security, a sense of loving acceptance, a sense of appreciation, and a sense of nurturing care.  The problems come when these things are not a part of the relationship and the reason they are most often not present is that they are challenged by the aforementioned decent toward unethical chaos in general and in particular into relational chaos.

While most relationships begin on a noble level, left to their own ends and because of man's propensity for self gratification they can very quickly become an exercise in "what is in it for me?"  Me being the insatiable self!  That is without acceptance of the other and the extension of effort even the best of relationships will unravel into a series of very chaotic interactions that for the most part provide no nurture and in fact opens one or both parties to manipulation.

The outcome is that there is a decrease in the capacity for growth, the quality of communication drops, the nurturing effect disappears, and the sense of care is absent.  All that is necessary for the relationship and its participant to began the downward descent is present.

Consider now the previously mentioned three crucial relationships of life.  If it is a relationship with God degrades, then it opens the door to great misunderstanding and mistrust in His ultimate goodness, love, and care.  If such a decent into chaos is with another the same things will accrue to one or both until the relationship becomes unsustainable because it is one of destruction and distancing.  If such is true of one's relationship with and within themselves, again chaos will have consequences in the mental, the emotional, and the volitional arenas of one's life.  

In terms of outcome, such relational chaos as is being described results in the fracturing of the human spirit.  More and more, even secular mental health providers are understanding that treatment must ultimately be on levels deeper than the mind, will, and emotions.  Failure to deal with issues related to the broken spirit can and most often do lead then to deep set issues of anger and bitterness.  The emotional outlay then leads to depression.  

A point of clarification is in order.  As to the chaotic relationship with God, it does not mean that the Eternal is inconsistent and therefore untrustworthy, but that the human part of the relationship is so.  However, since mankind has a propensity for shifting and deflecting responsibility, such chaos as may exist is seen as the responsibility of the Divine.  Most certainly this is another example of the challenge of good by evil.

What, you may ask, is the solution to chaotic and thus disturbed relationships?  A fair question to be sure.

In the simplified, it is summed in one word or should I say phrase--a deep sense of trustworthiness.

A deep sense that the God who is, can be trusted in any and all of the circumstances of life.  While we may not understand His goodness, His ways of caring, and the ways that His love is expressed, it is none the less  essential that we arrive at the conviction of His trustworthiness on a level deeper than mental assent.  It may begin there but must penetrate deep into one's spirit and one's convictions.

As to relationships with others, most certainly there are those who are not to be trusted.  However, there are those in our various worlds who may be counted upon when all else and all others fail.  These are those who are worthy of our trust for though they might not be possessed of great and winsome personalities, hold social positions, possess much in terms of materialism, or wield great amounts of  power, etc. they none the less, are people of deep ethical conviction.

Such deep ethical conviction is reflected in the many arenas of life to include faith, family, and friends etc.  Said another way their deep ethical convictions keep them from spiraling downward into unethical chaos as it results in their living out of character qualities.  Qualities such as honesty, integrity, creativity, thriftiness, sincerity, courage, sensitivity, obedience, and alertness etc.

Then we come to the matter of one's relationship with one's self.  Such can only be characterized by the peace found in self acceptance and deep inner confidence.  Those qualities and other come when one lives out character qualities in the personal and quiet places of life.  

Consider that one dare not hope for sound and affirming relations with God and with man if such an one is not possessed of a penchant for living life, based not upon the winds of change, not upon the pressure of circumstance, not upon the challenge of feelings, but based on rightness of heart--rightness of heart when measured by transcendent, objective, and universal qualities of right and wrong.  All else contributes to the downward spiral into the abyss of unethical chaos.